People are often harder on themselves than one imagines a merciful and loving God might ever be. I have experienced oh-so-many instances where a person will look at their mistakes so harshly that years after they have faltered they still hold themselves accountable.
This is like looking through a telescope from the wrong end – it places God at a greater distance from you than God is.
Better to think this through. Does it seem plausible that God does not expect the imperfect human being He intentionally created to falter, err, do some typically human things? Would a God who gave his Son to us to live with us, suffer, die and be resurrected discount us for a mistake, for being a human being (all be it not at our best)? Does it seem that the One who is Love itself would ration love so harshly?
No. Simply stated: No.
We are no surprise to God. God is closer to us than we are to ourselves.
We need not spend our time in self-imposed exile. Indeed, we are never far from God. Rather we are always close to God. If you think about it and are alert, you will find God in the things you do that bring happiness to you and others, in things that give you joy and mimic God’s love and laughter.
Forget the exile. To think that way is to think as a human being does when you can think as God might think, act as God might act, love as God might love, live as God would like you to live – in happy relationship with Him and others.
Go easy on yourself.